Even if women remain the main victims of domestic violence, men are not spared but do not dare to talk about it because of prejudices. And yet, their suffering and the consequences of this violence are just as terrible.
Domestic violence exists in all countries and in all social, religious and cultural groups. The most frequent forms are violence against women by their male partners. Men, as victims, would be more subject to slander and defamation. However, it is not uncommon for a man to be hit, slapped, spat on, scratched, and beaten with kitchen utensils or to be hit in the back or face with any household appliance that falls into the hands of his wife. Thus presented, violence against men is a real phenomenon in households. Unfortunately, talking about domestic violence in our societies is immediately associated to the violence against women.
According to the WHO, violence is” intentional use of physical force, threats to others or to oneself, against a group or community, which results in or is likely to result in significant trauma, psychological damage, developmental problems or death. ” Starting from this conception, the notion of violence is not only the fact of inflicting punches on an individual. But any talk that undermines harmony within a group. In other words, even the way of communicating, when it’s not courteous, is considered as violence. It manifests itself in various forms: verbal, physical, economic, sexual, psychological and moral violence.
Understanding the silence of abused men
In a strongly patriarchal African society, for example, talking about violence in favour of men is still a really delicate and complex taboo subject. This means that battered men do not necessarily put themselves in the position of victim to denounce the act. As a result, coming out in this area can be a real obstacle course and can expose them to disbelief, mockery, and indifference in both hospital and police environments. So the legend «be strong and shut up» takes all its sens.
But of course ! In Africa, as elsewhere, the male sex is considered to be the stronger and therefore does not normally have to suffer acts of repression from the female sex which is considered to be weaker. But basically, it’s not always about physical capacity. You can be a big, strong, muscular man and suffer that kind of violence. It is not necessarily a matter of force but of relational and psychological control.
A unilateral feminist movement
With the advent of the feminist movements perpetrated here and there, fighting for women’s rights, the latter have taken a wing. Indeed, the debate around domestic violence has always been politicized, where the man is always seen as the executioner and the woman, the victim. Given that women make up more than half of the world’s population, any policy that focuses its campaign on women’s issues is easily on top of its goals. Thus, these movements deliberately closed their eyes to the second aspect of domestic violence. Consequently, women want to assert themselves by all means.
This desire of the female gender to express itself, in the context of overflowing promotion of its gender, has taken an extraordinary ascendancy within societies. And since men, too, have always demonstrated that they are the masters of time, it becomes a complex matter to come to consider them as victims. So the victim can easily be confused with the executioner.
A victim seen as an executioner
Out of shame for addressing a taboo subject, out of guilt, out of naivety, or hoping that things will work out in the end, the battered man keeps silent for a long time and minimizes the physical or moral violence he suffers without seeking protection. Others are still silent out of love or fear of losing custody of the children because, given their strength and weight, their reaction could really hurt their wives more, which they would not want. Therefore, they fear that their reaction will lead them to move from being a victim to an executioner. The first status is always better if you don’t want to spend years in prison cells. Such a thing is of course not without its consequences on the lives of the victims.
What are the consequences?
As with women and girls, injuries are the first signs of physical aggression in abused men. Leaving the man in an unprecedented state of trauma, due to his supposed superiority over the woman. Violence is also the source of a dislocation of the family unit, of children’s delinquency. Some men have a disability or paralysis that will haunt them for life. Financial ruin remains the legacy of others and alcoholism remains the preferred refuge of the property of men previously beaten by their wives.
These degrading and cruel effects constitute serious violations of human rights that must be denounced, fought against and condemned regardless of the causes. These consequences are limiting factors in the development of man and considerably reducing his life expectancy. It would then be appropriate to present domestic violence in its entirety and to initiate a fight against the women torturers who have put their husbands in a position where they can neither denounce nor fight back. The ultimate goal is that, together, men and women can succeed in eradicating the phenomenon.
